I have entered a pink world – the pens, the stickers, the pins, the T shirts- I actually bought several pink garments over the past year in a burst of frustrated femininity. Looks like I am dressed for every breast-free occasion. I haven’t identified with the pink brigade yet and not sure if I will leap into the breast cancer networks. I feel pretty self contained at this time and well supported. I think I am more inclined to enter into more groups in this community to do exercise and crafty things rather than listen to cancer tales retold. We’ll see. I have arranged to meet a friend this week who has been through the chemo experience – that will be fine and I will have a chat with the breast screen nurse which Mike will come to as well. Not sure whether to wear my pink things in case it looks like I am looking for sympathy. While there is a sadness at the loss of so many things I do not feel in the least sorry for myself. My energy is focused on building a positive future and I am capable of making the most of every day. I did have the vision some time ago, as there is a history of cancer in the family, that as the eldest I might be the sacrificial goat: take it all on myself and go into the desert so none of my siblings would have to bear the load. So may it be.