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Visited the oncologist in Brisbane for the first time this week. Felt the whisper of a scythe and saw the shadow of the black dog. 56% chance of survival if no chemo- (wouldn’t back a horse on those odds). Add 14% if all 18 weeks of chemo are delivered and about another 4% if there are 5 years of anti hormone therapy following. ‘Don’t get a fright when you read about the side effects’ she said ‘ You may have none or all of these’. I read them. I got a fright. I was glad that we weren’t coming straight back home on the train but going for a night over with cousin Margaret and husband extraordinaire Brian Gagen. There was a lot to process. I kept thinking: ‘Thousands of women have been through this already, stop feeling like you are the only one going into the fire’. At the same time I know that it is a singular journey given our unique metabolisms. I needed a bit of time to digest what is involved, accept my mortality (Death do you hear me!) and prepare to be a strong as I can.  I have to find a text- my script for the next stage –  haven’t got it yet. Dinner chez Gagens did centre me anew however and I am trying to get the message that my busyness gene has to be put to bed and the ‘living in the presence’ gene  brought t0 the fore. But I have always been about service – get out there get the job done – waiting on myself in the here and now is going to be a tough lesson to learn


About pipsky

A creative, generous 64 year old with a PhD in Performance Studies trying to grow old disgracefully while working like mad in regional Queensland, squeezing the juice out of every day & still trying to find the balance that will maintain the quiet mind that makes her useful to others and nice to live with.

3 responses »

  1. Stillness can be the most intense Happiness…losing the busyness is the can bring beautiful things…

  2. Jude, a tough lesson for women to learn to love themselves first – thats what boobs are about really – feeding others. Now is your time to journey into the service of your beautiful self, focussing on that wonderful Soul within you. It shines so that others see it and want a piece but for now you need to feed it to your Self. There are books I could recommend but it is YOUR journey, a descent to the Goddess. Know that you are deeply loved, and will always be deeply loved, and that the Earth loves to feel you resting on her, the Sun loves to warm you, the Light loves to fill you up…… sending waves of loving energy. Laura Llawenyth

    • Yes! The descent to the Goddess- Innana- thanks for reminding me – I had tuned into the hero journey pattern but forgot the best template of all! Love J


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