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Am I ill?

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Why do I wince when someone says: ‘I’m sorry to hear about your illness?’ I can’t buy that. Some part of me revolts. I guess it is the deeply healthy part? I looked into the Australian Concise Oxford Dictionary and its pocket companion to explore the difference between ‘illness’ and ‘cancer’. It seems to me that an illness is a particular ‘state of being diseased’. Cancer is more an intrusion on your normal state of health. It has a discernable identitywith which you can have a relationship that is somehow separate from your healthy being. Sure it can take you over and cause disease, in which case you can be in a ‘state of being ill’. At this stage of my process however the cancer does not seem to be out of control. It does potentially exist as something that can spread, regroup and grow. Still this possibility puts me in a relationship with guerrilla cells rather than makes me an ‘ill’ person. Is it just the fighter in me that is keeping my being separate from my cancer? Am I simply in denial because I refuse to let go of my life? Why do I refuse to be ‘ill? I do refuse. Don’t be sorry for my illness – be happy for my healthy being.

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About pipsky

A creative, generous 64 year old with a PhD in Performance Studies trying to grow old disgracefully while working like mad in regional Queensland, squeezing the juice out of every day & still trying to find the balance that will maintain the quiet mind that makes her useful to others and nice to live with.

6 responses »

  1. language is a strange beast isn’t it Jude. the line between health and illness…some people may think it better to use the word ‘ill’ instead of ‘cancer’ (less offensive perhaps???) and others see it differently…i love that you see yourself as well, with ‘cancer’ as an inconvenience almost (did i get that right?)…something that you will deal with…and your outrageously alive spirit will ensure you do…denial? nay, i don’ t think so…quite accepting i think, from what i have read on your blog. may you zing today jude. may the clunks be small today. keep truckin’ and stay well!!!!! yes. i get what you are saying i think. stay well….

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  2. Rejoice in the healthy status of your mind…you’re one switched on gal…
    Julia

    Reply
  3. Loving your blog Jude, I am happy for your healthy being:-) not so happy for those rogue cells, the bloody buggers. You have always rocked the short hair thing. You continue to inspire me after all these years!! big love to you and mike xxxxxx

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  4. I AM happy for your healthy being. You could say the shaved head is a religious statement – you have entered the land where pilgrims and buddhist nuns journey. Its an inward thing. Sounds healthy to me… and when / if you begin to feel nausea, then that is the body detoxing. Tell Mike I know from experience bald heads can be sexy…
    love, L & L

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  5. Health is measured not by the capacity to stay standing but by the ability to be knocked down and then return to standing. Who said that? You seem pretty healthy to me.

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  6. Glad to hear you are not “ill”, Jude, but sad that you have had to fight this battle. As most breast cancers are discovered before they have any debilitating effects on the body it’s difficult to come to terms with something that threatens your life when you feel so well. Makes it harder to believe. I am happy for your positive attitude – that’s the best cancer-fighter around. Hugs, Sandy

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