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And then…

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Tuesday 29th November – Mike is in St Andrew’s in Brisbane and will have an angiogram and probably a stent inserted into the main artery around 4pm today. When he left in the ambulance the morning after my first dose of chemotherapy I think I can be forgiven for feeling abandoned – even angry. Neither of us can be at the bedside of the other right now. I do not accept stress over me as the cause of his pain as some have suggested. Both of our conditions are cumulative. We need to take independent responsibility for them. Mike’s way of managing the chaos caused in his life by my cancer was not to manage my process but to reorganise his library! Interesting how the patterns of interaction in crisis point up the entrenched and interwoven themes that run through a relationship. I am still untangling them. Neighbours and friends have been there for me. John is flying up from Melbourne to be at Mike’s side which means a lot to him and to me.  Having lined up four other Brisbane families to care for Mike’s needs I can now surrender concern and get on with my own business of healing after the most unsettled week you could imagine. I am walking at dawn to meditate with the first spread of gold across the water; to reconnect through movement the energies in my changed body. The tamarind tree has just re-leafed and I could stand so close to the unfurling filligree of leaves that I could smell the new life.

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About pipsky

A creative, generous 64 year old with a PhD in Performance Studies trying to grow old disgracefully while working like mad in regional Queensland, squeezing the juice out of every day & still trying to find the balance that will maintain the quiet mind that makes her useful to others and nice to live with.

7 responses »

  1. It never rains then it pours. I understand your anger and I support your philosophy. Regardless it is a difficult time. Sending you golden moments in-between the struggles. That walk in the morning sounds divine. Love to you margi

    Reply
  2. Hi Jude
    It seems such a healing thing to speak and share the truth as we see it – you bring much grace and clarity – thank you. I guess we all have had most of our lifetimes to work on some of those “entrenched and interwoven themes” that shape our life and relationships! I still go back to the couple of moments of “enlightenment” that steer my ship: grounding moments when the heavens were somehow opened and the Spirit moved within the darkness and across the wasteland. You have made a huge grace of awareness out of these profoundly testing times. I love the freshness of your writing that records so exactly how it feels, how it looks, what’s happening within… It’s a joy and a privilege to share such a journey.
    With all our love Brian and family

    Reply
  3. Well said. Love D

    Reply
  4. Ludmila Doneman

    Mike so wanted to go back home – he’s done it within 24 hours of the operation! I was so lucky to phone you at that moment (shortly after his return) to hear your happy voice Judy, full of light and warmth. Bless you both and John.

    Mike is forgiven for not giving us a chance to deliver the bowl of chicken soup to his hospital bed 🙂

    Reply
  5. Dear Judy, thank you for your writing, it’s wonderful to read.

    Reply

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