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Week 2 post chemo

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As the second week post chemo begins I feel as if I am emerging from the depths. Side effects still come and go but not so strongly that I am debilitated. As the body’s responses are new and the path untravelled it is easy however to have moments of blind panic. Dark forces can beckon: the ghoulish buffoon, black dog beside, cackles and suggests despair, escape. A mad spasm, the flash of a knife blade is all there is between life and death. (I hide the largest knife for what it represents).  There is  a flicker of black tail glimpsed as they exit stage left. Then comes the welcome return of pragmatism: just take the anti-nausea drug, put the bentadine on it, drink the movacol, gargle with the bicarb, kill the handspan huntsman on the wall. Just finish the task at hand in slow-mo instead of the usual flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-circus-act that has been your life. Just get on with it girl.

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About pipsky

A creative, generous 64 year old with a PhD in Performance Studies trying to grow old disgracefully while working like mad in regional Queensland, squeezing the juice out of every day & still trying to find the balance that will maintain the quiet mind that makes her useful to others and nice to live with.

2 responses »

  1. And remember to breathe. Breathe. Simply sit. Or Sit simply. New experience for you, Jude, to leave it to the Goddess, and the Universe.
    Try an Active Imagination with the entity of Fear, or any emotion, go within, and let it speak to you and have a dialogue with it. (Google AI – similar method to Progoff, comes from Jung).

    This is your time to meet yourSelf. You are much loved. I love this quote: ‘Bidden or unbidden, God is always present.’ You can insert, ‘the gods,’ or any name for the divine that you like.

    That knife blade is one of the tools from Erishkagal’s servants as Inanna makes her descent to rescue her sister.

    I love your shiningness.

    Laura

    Reply

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