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Pain oh yes

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I have been cracking hardy all along. I deal with the side effects of chemotherapy and don’t want to worry anyone with the challenges I face to my body; the daily insults of discomfort, skin eruptions, ulceration, hair loss, dry mouth and eyes. I have managed them all. Understanding the treatment’s rhythms as it worked through my system I thought I was going to romp through the second round. But this new drug: Docetaxel is a beauty.  I felt strong on the first two days. I guess the steroids in the mix kept me bouyant.  Yesterday I felt like the building had collapsed on me. Every bone and muscle in my body is aching, legs are stiff and walking a little uncertain. I am sitting in cool bicarbonate of soda, epsom saltas and detol baths to relieve aches, rashes and inflamation. I had boasted that I was not using the prescribed pain killers. Believe me I am taking them all religiously and admitting defeat by actually lying down. I hate what feel like wasted days – but I am surrendering for a bit. See my white flag. I trust that the battle goes on successfully in my cellular life as I sink beneath a cloud of endone.


About pipsky

A creative, generous 64 year old with a PhD in Performance Studies trying to grow old disgracefully while working like mad in regional Queensland, squeezing the juice out of every day & still trying to find the balance that will maintain the quiet mind that makes her useful to others and nice to live with.

3 responses »

  1. I love the way you can make your body (and its lifetime of cellular memory) such a sensitive barometer of the chaos that chemotherapy sets loose inside your being. Thank you, Jude, for the extraordinary honesty. There’s a potent new persona emerging within your ravaged self that’s full of life, compassion, awareness … May this voyage you’re on bring healing to match the enlightenment!
    With our love,

  2. All hail the endone Jude, you having been doing so bloody brilliantly. Even Inanna needs reinforcements sometimes:-)
    Beaming all I can in your general direction…

  3. Oh Jude. Erishkigal and Innanna. you just think about the chemo cells nibbling away at the cancer cells while you soak in a sea of quantum possibilities. Sending good thoughts your way. You will emerge both Queen of the Underworld and Queen of Heaven.


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