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New metaphor

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There is a point where all the metaphors fail. I look for new poetry to address this fever which refuses to go: 37.8 again this morning, heading in the wrong direction.  I notice how the ruthless passage of the chemotherapy destructive/life promising drugs settle on sites of the body’s history as if it is remembering its damaged places. I even thought that I extracted a tiny fragment of glass from the scar in my forehead from the car accident 40 years ago. Pain is largely left side centric where I always seem to injure myself: ribs, knee, ankle and the dark pain that radiates from the low back. Observing these patterns of pain I decide that my mental strategy, to regain some sense of control as I wander lost in this wasteland, is to imagine that my pain history is being exorcised. Burning feels like the process rather than any gentle erasure. I am always heartened when I see a green shoot on a blackened trunk after a fire. Burn on chemo. I live in hope for the new body.

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About pipsky

A creative, generous 64 year old with a PhD in Performance Studies trying to grow old disgracefully while working like mad in regional Queensland, squeezing the juice out of every day & still trying to find the balance that will maintain the quiet mind that makes her useful to others and nice to live with.

2 responses »

  1. We’d wondered where you might have gone – it’s good to have you back, Jude, even if in firestorm country. So it’s not April, then, but:
    NOW is the cruellest month, breeding
    Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
    Memory and desire, stirring
    Dull roots with spring rain.
    Chemotherapy is strangely selective as well as destructive – working weird left-hand bits of your psyche and cellular memory. We’ll struggle with you to trust the process, and treasure all the fresh green shoots that emerge across that damaged landscape.
    With thanks, Jude, and with our love, rejoicing in the courage that keeps you connected.
    Brian

    Reply
  2. I am imagining you splashing and playing in a waterfall of blue and exquisite healing coolness to relieve your poor body and soothe your soul, and then see you radiant and verdant with new life emerging from the cruel seeds.
    Love to you Judy

    Reply

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